Today was a pointless drive, venti frap, long walk type of day

Feelings today:
Nostalgic
Alone
Betrayed
Replaced
Pathetic
Unwanted
Disgusting

And yet, through all of those emotions the Lord eventually brought me back to Loved.

I've gone back and forth between if I should post this or not but the Lord is teaching me too many truths not to.

Today's events have been interesting. The Lord was so faithful and gracious for us this morning that while no one should have stopped to get there car washed, he provided some to help. I was so encouraged and amazed by the Lords grace that I couldn't help but smile and laugh even as the rains came.

But then after everything my flesh came out once again and my pride left me stinging with bitterness and hurt. I searched and searched for someone to talk to, but when no one would answer their phone, the Lord reminded me that the only one I should rely on for comfort is Him. Even when the ones I consider closest to me seem to abandon me, He is here.

So here I sit. Alone, in a place that offers comfort and the Lord is reminding me that He is my stable place. I can reflect on my growth because I know the me before would have turned to self harm or pitying thoughts, but the Lord is charging me to turn to Him instead, and focus on thoughts of Him. I am alone, but also not, at the same time. I have my savior as my comfort and that's all I need.

I wish I could be the woman who looks at things of the past and laugh because what did my feelings matter? I'm okay now. But I can't. I just can't be that woman. I wish I could be the woman to know that my friends are hanging out without me, and be okay. But I can't. I can't be that woman. Not right now.

I am okay now. But things still happened and now this is where I am. Its an interesting place to be... But I am comforted because my God comforts me.

Weird mood today.

Love always,
Christina